I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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