I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
