Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
