What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
