Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
