I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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