cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
