She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
