how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
