did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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