dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She needs sedatives and a leash
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
