Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
