His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
