ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
