can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
