I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
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