the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
