the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
