I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
