is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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