Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
