That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
