You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
