Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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