Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
