Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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