3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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