I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wanna go halves on a baby?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
