Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
