Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
