Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
