So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
