he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize