New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
