i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
