Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
