Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
