meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I enjoy the company of your penis
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