Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
