New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
