uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize