At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
