the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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