I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
