I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
