i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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