can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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