That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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