Barsexuality is the new black.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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