When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
