I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize