your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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