I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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