Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You took a bar mat shot.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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