I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
