my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I intend to get homeless drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
