That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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