I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
