I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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