so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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