sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
