well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I love you. Go after that dick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
