You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
