sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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