And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
