85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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