i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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