I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
