I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
